He looked around his cave. It was
dominated by a dishevelled mass of toys. “These look a lot like last year’s
models” he
said, “I
should have done more research and development on current trends and innovative
new technology to ensure that I was keeping up with the needs of my customers
and the market”. “But then,” he sighed to himself “I
simply don’t have the back-office systems to enable me to develop a
good database, to control my inventory, to ensure I have the addresses of all
my recipients and to make sure that I don’t deliver presents to naughty
little children who simply don’t deserve them. Why can’t I be
more accurate year after year”.
He looked around and heard his
reindeers scratching expectantly in the snow. “Oh my goodness I have
forgotten to feed them again” he said, “animal welfare issues – how do
I know how much to feed them before the long journey we are embarking on and
how often I need to stop to replenish them?”, I need more
information. “Where do I go to get it?”
Then he reflected on the plight
of his elves. His poor little elves, who year after year, work day and night
with no reward. “I have an employment issue here, I really should have some
expert advice on employment relations. Look at that stupid elf chopping away on
a new toy with a sharp knife and no protection. Goodness where is my health and
safety programme? Wouldn’t it be awful if I was prevented from
delivering all of these presents because I had breached the new health and
safety regulations and was detained and prosecuted”.
One of the elves was heard to
grumble “I
wouldn’t be
surprised if that happened. We have been treated badly for a terribly long
time. We need some HR advice and Santa hasn’t been good enough to search
it out for us and make sure our working conditions are well protected and that
we work in an empowering and flexible environment. There is nothing flexible
about assembling toys year after year in a snow cave with no reward”. “And by
the way Santa” one called. “You should access a wage and salary
survey so that you can see what good elves should be paid, rather than just
giving us a few crumbs from the Christmas Cake you collect on your rounds after
your worldwide deliveries”.
“That is all very well for you
to say” said
Santa “I have
got these worldwide deliveries to do and I don’t know where I am going. How
on earth do I get directions? Who can give me advice country by country on the
demographics, the details, the geography and where I should be landing my
sleigh?
To top it all off I have got a problem in Christchurch. There are no
chimneys. How can I possibly deliver presents where there are no chimneys? I
only wish that I could find some expert advice, particularly about that problem
in Christchurch.”
“That’s not your only problem”
shouted an elf from a dark corner. “You have no export documentation for
any of your presents. You are going international Santa. You need to have
certificates of origin and other export documentation to ensure that you will
not get stopped at borders. How on earth are you going to get all those
presents delivered in 24 hours if you breach all the Customs regulations?”
“You think that is a big deal?” said
another elf. “He has got another problem with immigration. He is not
going to have any right to cross those borders without the right visas and
plant himself in other countries without an invitation. He needs some really
good immigration and visa advice”.
“It is all such a hassle said
Santa and it happens year after year after year. Life is simply getting much too
complicated for me. I really do need some help”.
“Well Santa”
said a voice from a long way away, “If you call on us here in
Christchurch we will make you a complimentary member of the Canterbury
Employers’ Chamber of Commerce and we will resolve almost all of
your issues, that will make everybody happy”.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
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